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Dear ma’am, First & foremost I would like to express my gratitude to you for sharing these thoughts with us. While reading your blog, I found an instant connection with you. Worrying is such an integral part of my life. Being the eldest among the three siblings, worrying started really early in my life. I still remember the day when I did not find my sister in her class after school hours but only her bag. I rushed through the various classrooms, auditorium, school playground & almost every girl’s washroom of the school. But I couldn’t find her & I came running home to tell my mother about it. I was in Junior KG then. Thus, the seeds of worry which were soaked in me had started taking roots quite early. You can also say that I have inherited it from my Mother. Both of us are very similar when it comes to worrying. In school, I used to worry about finishing my homework on time and scoring well in the exams. Then came the dreaded 10th & 12th standard. Who doesn’t worry about these results. And given the nature that I have, I was the one who was worried about it the most. I performed less than my expectation in 10th standard which made me worry about which Junior college I will get admitted to. I landed up in Bhavan’s College, Science stream. My worries took a little back seat for some time. But come 12th & you are at the crossroads of your life. Which way to go? Again, a series of worries regarding the Engineering college. I landed up in VJTI – the college of my dream. Then campus recruitment worries, corporate life worries & so on & so forth. There was no end to it. Somehow even I started building a temperament that whenever I worry, things start moving in my favour. And hey, I got so superstitious. This worrying attitude became the pat of my personality, unknowingly. Then came the year 2014, my parents decided that I should get married. Again, a big list of worries… Phew!!! I got married with the kind of guy I always wished to & life was relatively less of worries for some time. Maybe the new addition in my life brought about this change or maybe I was not getting enough time to worry….. juggling between office & home. The same year my Dad got transferred to Vishakhapatnam. My Mom is extremely close to me. We share a bond more like a friend. My mother was somewhere deeply affected by these two sudden transitions in her life – I moved to Thane post marriage & within 6 months my Dad had to take charge of the Vishakhapatnam office. Two years passed. I could see my mother’s health deteriorating. She had lost a lot of weight. She was not her cheerful self. She used to run mild fever every evening. No doctor, no test could reveal what was wrong. I remember I didn’t sleep for nights together as I didn’t know hat was wrong. I was worrying. Worrying a lot. Then came some good news… I found out that I was pregnant. This news was a matter of joy for both the families. I admit that I was extremely happy about this news but deep within me my worry about my mother did not subside. We took her for sonography. And the results were pointing towards liver cancer. I got the shock of my life. As though someone has pulled the ground off beneath my legs. I remember crying & only crying & I kept asking God the same question again & again… Why my Mother???? Why did this happen to her??? She never smoked, never touched alcohol. She was extremely religious. Didn’t like eating out. Then why did this happen to her?? I asked the doctor the same question. He said worry & stress are the major culprits. I still remember that Sunday afternoon when biopsy reports confirmed what doctor’s had suspected. And the stage was IV. My mother is mentally extremely strong. She is a fighter & I knew all of that…. But will this imply that I could stop worrying??? No… The disease was no cough & cold…. Treatment started… Side-effects started surfacing… My mother was dealing with them like a warrior… But I was shattered… I couldn’t see her that way…. And mind you the side effects of medication & 16 hours long operation were what none of us can ever imagine…. I was seeing that infront of my eyes… On a person whom I loved the most. It’s not easy. It seemed God was testing our strengths this year. In the seventh month of my pregnancy, I developed a few complications. I had to deliver early. The bundle of our joy arrived in 7.5 months. I gave birth to a girl child. But being pre-mature, my daughter was in NICU for 21 days without me by her side. This situation has been the most difficult for me till date. The two most loved people were the ones who were in maximum pain. I remember I was crying that night. My mother who had just come from her last chemotherapy session called me to her. She was very weak & spoke in a very low tone. But I will never forget her words. She told me, “Worrying causes more harm than anything. You are strong & independent. Moreover, a beautiful tiny soul who has just entered our lives will never ever be complete without her mother. She needs you. You have to be brave enough. Start caring for yourself as when your daughter grows up, she will never be able to see her mother in pain. I made a mistake. I will not allow you to repeat.” These words are etched in my mind & soul. I have given up worrying to a very large extent. Whenever I feel that my mind is wandering too much, I open my purse & look at the photos of two of my most loved people- My daughter & my Mother. This gives me all the strength. I totally agree with you ma’am that worrying can continue till eternity, but I have reduced its intensity to a level that it never affects me. In turn I have started looking for solutions to problems than worrying. It has been two years since I have been practicing it. And positive changes are coming by my side. Both my daughter & mother are hail & hearty now. I always pray to God that they ever remain so till eternity.

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